Don’t Give Up On THE ONE

plus-in-love


Ladies Night…Not Always About Meeting Men

fd25d0d04374403c877cfafab545880b
I had an amazing time a few nights ago going out for “Ladies Night”. I haven’t been to a club during the week in too many years to count. But i’m so glad I did. IT WAS AWESOME!!!
When I went out for ladies night at a club in years passed the main goal for many women(present company include) was to look your best, have some fun and maybe meet a nice guy. Whether you wanted him to be your drink ticket for the night, be a one nightstand or find someone looking for a relationship; the ending result was meet a guy.
Many times some females met their drink ticket for the night, some got that one night stand and a scattered few found Mr. Right; but the end result was “get that man”. Now there’s nothing wrong with that at all. When we go out together as women or alone; you do you. Ladies night was created to draw the women; which draws the men.
But I learned something a few nights ago. It was “Ladies Night”. But It’s wasn’t about finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. The night was about US; the women. It was our night to shine and have a good time. I was with a group of beautiful women that were dressed to kill having a great time and there wasn’t one man in the group(one joined us later). Some of us met as strangers and left as good friends. We laughed together, talked about where we got our outfits, took pictures, drank(plenty) and not one time did I notice or hear one female change their focus to man. The night was OURS; It was Ladies Night. We just wanted to have a good time. We wanted to celebrate ourselves and in a way knock down the stereotype that women only show up at ladies night so someone can “buy you a drank” (in my t-pain voice)
There was this amazing feeling of camaraderie among us. No jealousy, back stabbing, fighting to get a males attention; we were ONE. Having nothing but fun; singing and dancing the night away. All of us united in enjoying our time together as women; It was Ladies Night. We had fun together because it was about that; FUN. Being in the presence of other females and having some good old-fashioned FUN.
It wasn’t about him over there trying to catch your eye or that one over there trying to get your number. It was about female friendship. It was about our time to bond as women. It showed me that we can go out and have a good time and come away happy and fulfilled just enjoying each others company.
It was Ladies Night….and the feel was right. Oh what a night!!
sweetpeach

So You Say You’re A Queen

dee0b97676ae49cbb5583cd17f41bd99

This will probably come off more like a rant, so bear with me.

Lately the word “Queen” has become the go to word for women. “she’s a queen”, “I’m a queen”, “all women are queens”.
What is a Queen?? By definition of Merriam Webster a queen is  a woman or girl who is highly respected or well-known within a field. Royal in birth of high standards; noble.
So tell me this, how can you call yourself a Queen when you’re behaving like a Hoes and ? That’s right!! I said it, HOE!!!! I’m tired of females walking around talking about i’m a Queen and deserve respect when you don’t even respect yourselves. We walk around with our shorts up  our ass(I don’t care what size you are), breasts hanging all over the place, ot nude photos or ass shots posted all over social media, using all kinds of foul language, fighting in the streets; it’s embarrassing. That is not Queen behavior in my opinion. And this is totally my opinion. A Queen would never behave this way; especially if she is a Queen Mother. 
 
What happened to the days where you could be sexy….seductive…sensual and not even show a knee cap or a bit of cleavage? What happened to dressing classy; having style instead of walking around showing every bit of flesh you can. What happened to having standards for ourselves? What happened to the woman was mindful of her appearance and how she spoke to others?
 
Where did she go? Have we as women gotten so caught up in the trappings of leading with our physical appearance that we forget there’s more to us than our bodies? Have we forgotten that it takes more than just tits and ass to build a home or family? Have we forgotten the struggles of the brave strong women(our mothers) that came before us to give us the opportunities we have today?
 
Or maybe we haven’t forgotten.Maybe we don’t care. Maybe we are looking at the examples we find in social media, entertainment, television that tells us “Show your ass and tits” that’s a ticket to stardom.. Unfortunately, there are females out there whom have prospered based upon their looks and nothing else. But at what cost? Money is great, but what did that female sacrifice to get that money? Is she respected for her accomplishments, or disrespected because of what she accomplished and how it was done? 
 
Don’t get me wrong. Every woman that wants to feel and look attractive, sexy, seductive, sensual should do all of the above. I’m not saying any woman what size or shape should hide under heavy dark clothes. What I am saying is be mindful of how you go about doing it. If all you have to show is your body, then those that approach you will only see you for that. And women are so much more than that. 
 
If you want to be treated and respected like a Queen; present yourself as one. We have got to do better, to be treated better. If you have high standards, don’t behave or dress in a manner that says you have low or no standards. And yes I know, no matter what we have on our bodies we all deserve respect. I get that. Keep in mind you attract what you present. Do you attract those that only want the physical? Or do you attract those that want the entire package(physical, mental, emotional, spiritual you)
 
Just remember; perception is a powerful drug. Perception is not always fair or accurate; but it falls on you to change that perception. So are you a Queen or not??  

Single Occupancy or Stay Home? #CurvyGirlTravels

plus-woman-travels

I love to travel. I always have. My parents put the travel bug in my spirit with all of those family vacations and road trips. I have driven, flown, cruised, ridden by train to various destinations throughout the US and other countries. I’ve had lots of fun.

And I’ve done a lot of traveling on my own. I know most of us(including myself) prefer to travel with someone. There is safety in numbers, you see the sights with someone you know and have lots of memories together and the expense can be less when you travel with others; single occupancy can be expensive. However,  if you always depend on others to make your travel happen, you may never travel. I have come to the understanding that I might have to travel alone sometimes when I prefer to have a travel companion. And I have to be okay with that if I want to see the world.
 Unfortunately, that’s what holds some of us back. Being by ourselves; not having a travel friend or someone special to share the travel experience; the thought of traveling alone held me back for years. But what was I to do? Wait until that special someone comes along? Wait until everyone else’s money is right? Wait until someone wants to do the same things I wanted to do? Well I couldn’t wait that long; and you may be waiting a good portion of your life to enjoy traveling because you’re “waiting” for someone. There is a huge world out there and I hope to see a big chunk of it before I leave this world. And in order to do that, I’m going to book that flight, cruise, train or rent that car and head out on my own(Single occupancy). I can’t be afraid to venture out on my own.
curvy-girl-travels
For instance on my vacation in November I took Amtrak from Florida to Maryland to see family, but I found myself with free time…me time… I wasn’t about to sit in my hotel room on my long awaited vacation watching TV. So I got out and did my own thing. I drove to Baltimore(had some of the best crab cakes in the world) about an hour away. I took another step further and drove into the city(I went to this amazing indoor market) which was even further away from where I was staying. During more “me time” I hopped on a tour of the major sights of DC and Virginia; best tour I’ve ever taken. And to think I would have missed it waiting for someone else to go with me.
I know some of you are saying it’s not safe. I call BULL!! The same precautions you take when traveling with others are the same precautions you take when traveling on your own. Like being cautious of your surroundings, keep in touch with family and friends so they know where you are, keep your phone charged in the event you need to make an emergency call. When driving alone don’t venture off your route without letting someone know. Always use well lit highway rest stops instead of going off the highway. If you’re on a cruise use the tours offered by the cruise line. Bottom line use good common sense.
Don’t let the fear of loneliness or being alone stop you from seeing what this world has to offer. You may be surprised that you aren’t as lonely or alone as you thought you might be. I’ve always met people, formed some new friendships; but most importantly I had a great time. I took a chance to get out and see the world; and will continue to do so. Don’t get me wrong I like having someone with me to enjoy the experience(s) of traveling. However, I’m not going to sit back and wait to see the world because someone else can’t go with me when i’m ready. Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and do things on your own. Don’t ever feel embarrassed  or out of place because you travel on your own. If you have the luxury of time and finances to get out and travel this huge world, JUST DO IT…..
The world is your oyster as they say…..so put some HOT Sauce on it and slurp it down.
#SweetPeach

Speed Dating???

arrogance2

Hello Curvy world.  It is I…Christi Love.  How are you doing?  Well I am doing better.  The unicorns are much happier that I am not moping around.  I have ventured out of the castle and went to a speed dating event.  Yes a speed dating event.  I took a friend with me and she found the event that was at Hard Rock Casino and Hotel in Hollywood, Fl.  The club that it was held at was called Passion Night Club…..hmmm with that name you would have thought that some type of magic would have been popping off in there…..Nope!

The event was called Lock and Key and basically all the men were given a key and the ladies had a lock.  You mix and mingle and walk up to perfect strangers and see if their key unlocks your lock.  It was a great concept to break the ice and start conversations with individuals.  But like every fairytale there are draw backs.

The age range was 27 thru 47.  That is a twenty year age difference.  That right there is a recipe for disaster.  Look world.  I am a 42(as of 11/30) year old curvy girl.  I already have strikes against me.   So you can imagine how I felt when the men ages ran from 47 looking like they lied and were 57 and 27 year olds looking for a sugar momma.  Don’t get me started with the women.  I saw a hand full of mature women with a high age range of 27 to 30.  And in the total attendance I can say that there was a total of 5 curvy (plus) women there.  It was a sad night ladies…..a very sad night.

As I looked in the sea that is called the dating pool.  I was so let down.  This is not how it was portrayed on Sex in the City.  I was supposed to be Carrie with a Mr. Big in the background and a Aden building me a bookshelf.  Not here looking at an older man trying to pick up someone who could very well be his daughter.  It almost made me wants to call the ex and tell him maybe we can try and make this work.

Then it happened.  A guy came up and he stuck his key into my lock and turned his key……..and the shit didn’t open and I looked at my girlfriend and said… ”Let’s go.  I am hungry.”  LOL

So this speed dating event has showed me that I am not alone out there in the world.  There are other single people searching.  Getting outside of their comfort zone to test the waters.  I just think that I have to do a little more research and find a better speed dating event that centers around people more my age range and looking for a curvy chick like me.

So I bid you fare thee well.  Till I come to you with another tale of #datingwhilecurvy.  This Christi Love and I approve this message!

I Need Love Under New Managment

 

 

christilove

Hey Curvy Dolls and the people who loves us.  It’s me Christi Love.  Yes…Christi’s Love Land is still under repairs.  The damn unicorns are still running all over the place.  There is no control.  Their ruler (me) is still coming to grips with this #datingwhilecurvy thing.  I am trying to be transparent.  Show people the good, bad, and plus size pettiness in my dating world to try and help, educate, and see that you are not alone.  So pull up a shot glass.

I fought to hold on to my relationship to the point of being all-consumed. I didn’t want to believe it was actually ending. I couldn’t believe it.  Even though it was fucked up.  It was good sometimes.  The idea of living without him was unacceptable.  But it’s becoming clear that the two of us aren’t going to make it.  I am finally seeing the writing on the wall.  I’ve gone from, “Don’t leave!” to “Okay, I give up.”  But guess what?  I still feel anything but okay.  The moment I get off the phone with him, or the texting finally stops, or when I get the music video that’s stating “I wouldn’t have miss this for the world”, and I am punched in the throat by the reality of the loss.  It is a brutal process, and it seems like it’s going to be a long time until I feel deserving of investing in my happiness again.

I knew that this breakup was coming, for months, and yet I was still blindsided.  No matter how the lead-up had looked, now that the breakup is actually happening, I am overwhelmed, immobilized and haunted by fear, loss and despair about life without him.

I keep trying to ask the burning question…..Why?  Was I too fat?  Was I too strong?  Was I just not loveable?  Why was I so easy to be hurt?  Will these answers help me?  Probably not.  A part of me is hoping that if I get the right answer I can change that and we can go back.  So I will not have this mind and body numbing feeling of fear and loss.  But with me trying to take responsibility for why my relationship doesn’t work, even if I get the answers that I can change.  All it will give me is the illusion that I have control over this relationship, perpetuating the belief that it’s salvageable as long as I can just change what went wrong.

Sometimes the pain gets so bad that I try to think of ways for us to try again.  Knowing that it will alleviate the pain for now.  I can have that fantasy that we are having a rough patch and it can be fixed.  Yes, I know.  A lot of y’all are saying BULLSHIT!  I hear you I do.  Right at this moment I feel rage.  How dare he?  I gave my all.  But it wasn’t good for him.

So I am going round and round in a circle.  Mad, sad, hopeful, bitter.  This is sooo not a good time to try and date again.  But it’s a good time to try and heal oneself.  #datingwhilecurvy

All Grown Up

From the Desk of CoachKish: Truth is some people will only get older. They won’t grow up. Some folks will stay fixated on who you used to be and what you used to do and not accept that you have evolved past that. You will hear them say “ohhh so you don’t drink no more..Yeah OK” “Oh Yeah he/she don’t Smoke, cuss, fight, party” Some will even accuse you of forgetting where you came from. Don’t let that discourage you. Don’t let it rattle you. Evolution is a natural progression to one’s better self. We all should grow (mentally and physically ). I used to be the “fight now..explain later” type of woman. Known as “The Mean One” of my family. I won’t say that woman died. I will say she grew up. She needed to. The places she was headed were nowhere good. Now don’t get me wrong I do appreciate that woman, she is a part of me. She stands up and speaks up..even when she is trembling in her boots. She faces her challenges and she charts new territory without hesitation. She serves a purpose but she doesn’t have to stand guard all the time anymore. Know that you are the sum total of ALL that you have experienced. You made it this far in spite of it all. Some of those friends and places of your past made you better but you owe no debt to the past. You CAN grow past it. You CAN live, speak, love and operate differently than you used to. The life you have lived, are living and will live is not only one of the greatest stories you will ever tell but it is that testimony which will allow you to be a catalyst to help another. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t feel obligated to the old..thank God for the lessons of the past and keep your eyes looking towards your future. Whosoever can’t handle it…leave them exactly where you found them. #nodebts #joycomesinthemorningnotinthepast #newness #liberation #thankful

Free to Love???

Man tied up by 2 strong women

I grew up in a single parent household. Women make up the majority of the role models in my family. Growing up, I always admired their “strength” to not let a man come in and “tell them what to do”. My grandmother, mother, aunts and adult cousins all worked hard and paid their own way. Men were more like a great arm piece or a source for additional income. From my perspective..they were SO strong. I don’t remember ever seeing them cater to man as the song says. I would hear “oh she just weak..letting him tell her what to do..he put his pants on just like I do” if a friend or acquaintance suffered a bad break up or took back a man who hurt them. I was taught that isn’t what strong women do.  I was a child of the 70s and the women’s movement was in full swing. Strong women brought home the bacon AND fried it up in a pan. If a man was in your life he better have money and he better behave or he simply had to go. So it leads me to ask…are we raised to love freely?  Now don’t get me wrong I love the determination, drive and passion of independence but is it so wrong to desire being held and loved? To not have to have all the answers, all the time? To feel a sense of loss when things go wrong and to want to work at having a healthy balance between yourself and your chosen mate? Is it really weak to ask your significant other’s opinion and respect his/her position when making life decisions?  I was married, then divorced and I am here to tell you getting divorced isn’t fun.  The expectation (at least in my family) is that you do what you have to and put your feelings in your back pocket. What I must admit is my back pockets were so full of feelings, my jeans were waaayyy too tight.  The greatest tragedy is when you can’t say to the women you love and admire the most “I am hurt, I am afraid, I don’t know what I am going to do” without the fear that you will be considered one of those “weak” women you’ve heard about time and time again. Love means being vulnerable…being vulnerable will sometimes lead to being hurt or caught “off guard” but all love is worth the journey.  When I found the courage to love again I discovered a strength I never knew and I want to share it with the world…. Strong women LOVE hard and even when we fall..WE GET BACK UP AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!
#CoachKish

Sexy, Sassy Sundress Drama

image1

If you say I should not have this on should I listen if you not my man? So I was listening to the afternoon show here in Atlanta and they were discussing how women look in sundresses. Without assuming I know he meant a woman’s butt in the dress, which is his opinion which is truly fine. Now here’s the problem one guy began to say how some women should not wear sundresses because they don’t have the body for it but I have a question. If her significant other has no issues with what she has on then why should his opinion be valid? Being a curvy girl my whole life I remember hearing people tell me that I should not wear this or that. It kept my self-esteem down. I always worried if so and so was talking about me and how awful I looked in my clothes. I was so self conscience my senior year of high school when I finally did wear a bathing suit I was so scared I was going to get laughed at and picked on that I wouldn’t take my shorts off. Like I literally got in the pool with shorts on. I felt so stupid I just got out. Not everyone is as strong as the next. I might not be on the brink of suicide but that doesn’t mean my pain don’t hurt just as much. Yes consciously or unconsciously we all have said something about someone but truthfully if that person was BOLD enough to step out on faith alone and show us what they’re made of who’s worst off? You talking about who they are or them not caring that you’re obviously starring and still talking about who they are. I pick the latter but hey that’s me and yeah I’m comfortable enough in the skin I’m in not to care what you think. 

All These Curves by LaLa

curves2

Who said LOVE would be easy especially with me.

I am strong, independent woman because that is who I was raised to be. But you have to LOVE all these curves, cause that’s loving all of me.

LOVE all these curves because you know it is right. Besides I am the one that will keep you warm on those long winter nights.

With my plush bottom and my few extra rolls, you know in your mind I am much softer to hold.

LOVE all these curves with my faults, failures and small insecurities. Nevertheless; please know, don’t doubt my goal is to please….you as my spouse or significant other be true to yourself plus size dolls are the best damn lovers.

LOVE all these curves not just because you like what you see. But know that my heart is genuine and my love for you will be real. Having a curvy size doll now that’s the real deal. Now to all my curvy queens stand up and take a bow, strut your shapely figure and flaunt that beautiful smile. A full figured woman never goes out of style.

Fellows, your next lover should be a plus diva. Because to LOVE all these curves, to love all these curves that’s really loving me.

Yours Truly,

LaLa